Monday, January 28

'Blessed' and 'Wailing Wall-ed' me.

I took the trigger this morning, 2 x Ovitrelle, the egg retrieval is going to be tommorrow evening, looking forward to the anaesthetic. I made a deal with the anaethetist last time that he injects the yummy gooey anaesthetic stuff really slowly. I might as well enjoy something! Ofcourse there is always that little fearful voice wondering if I will wake up this time. Trying not to think about that, the positive shiny me is just going to enjoy the good drugs.

Also mentally I have to prepare myself for the different-ness of how things are done here in Israel. In South Africa you are treated like a patient, you are rolled through into the theatre on a bed then slowly drift off into la-la land, and that is your last memory until you wake up in the ward with your Goofy-looking Donor staring at you adoringly. Here you have to walk through to the theatre (holding the back of your u.g.l.y green gown so as not to reveal your dimpled rear end), then you climb into the chair and put your legs in the steel (and very cold) stirrups, and then wide-legged and wide-eyed you are anaesthetised. Great last memory.

I went for yet another scan and more blood tests yesterday, there were 11 follicles, the biggest being 21mm, which had grown from Friday's 16mm. So this is it. Retrieval, fertilisation, 3 day wait, Embryo Transfer (probrably 3 again), then the very long 12 day wait. Oh and also if there are any viable embryos at day 5 after fertilisation they will be frozen along with the solitary one already frozen.

We stayed in Jerusalem this past weekend and as planned I went to the Wailing Wall, it was so unbeleivably special standing in the rain and reciting Psalms at what was left of the Second Temple. I was reading and having cold shivers, Psalm 127: "Behold! The heritage of Hashem is children; a reward is the fruit of the womb.", Psalm 113: "He transforms the barren wife into a glad mother of children. Halleluyah!". It was like Hashem was speaking to me directly. This will happen, I will have more children, he is NOT saying no.

I feel that the decisions that I have made about my and my childrens' (familys') future over the past few months; choices that I am making for us with observing Shabbat, learning about Judaism and about who Hashem really is, can and will only make us better people. A friend told me the other day "..but you are a nice person already...", so just think if I really am so nice already, imagine how much nicer I could be.

I went with the Donor last week and got 'blessed', it was one of the strangest experiences of my life. No words are capable of describing it. Bottom line, I was expecting a spiritual experience and it was totally the opposite. I consulted with the religious Bnei Brak lady that I study with once a week and she said it was all fine, that the fact that I got the blessing was the most important part, not everything else surrounding it.

So here I am, come on little embryos, this is the new 'Blessed' and 'Waling Wall-ed' me.


"Q: In which cases does removal of the fallopian tubes improve the outcome?
A: In recent years, impressive evidence has shown that hydrosalpinx (swollen fallopian tubes, filled with fluid) can reduce chances of implantation. It seems that the reason for this is that the fluid in the fallopian tubes contains inflammatory products that leak into the abdominal cavity and damage the embryo trying to implant itself in the endometrium. In cases of recurrent failure of IVF therapy, the condition of the fallopian tubes should always be assessed using a hysterosalpingogram and ultrasound scan. If the state of the fallopian tubes is very poorly, and might affect the implantation of the embryos, the benefit of their removal should be considered. The removal of oneor both fallopian tubes is performed by laparoscopy, where a laparoscope (a fine telescope) is inserted through an umbilical incision."