Crap long and sick week.
The chest infection/cough turned my week into a haze of coughing and spluttering sick Me-ness. Husbandless again. And for two more weeks. Sick of coughing and sick of feeling sick. Sick of being told that I should be grateful as I "have two beautiful, healthy children". Like I don't know that! Like I don't know that I am blessed beyond words to actually have two children. Why do people feel the need to point out something which is so totally obvious to me? Am I not allowed to hope for more children just because I already have two? Am I supposed to NOT try so hard?
New resolve - not to be so free with information about myself and my feelings. Not to share so much. Not to wear my heart on my sleeve. Not to share my hopes and wishes for more children. Try and be a bit more private. Censor all this fertility stuff. There are those that 'get it' and those that just dont.
I understand me. I understand that there is nothing unrealistic with hoping that one day my son will have a brother and my daughter will have a sister. Something that I never had, and because I never had it, I know and understand the need for it.
"Q: In which cases does removal of the fallopian tubes improve the outcome?
A: In recent years, impressive evidence has shown that hydrosalpinx (swollen fallopian tubes, filled with fluid) can reduce chances of implantation. It seems that the reason for this is that the fluid in the fallopian tubes contains inflammatory products that leak into the abdominal cavity and damage the embryo trying to implant itself in the endometrium. In cases of recurrent failure of IVF therapy, the condition of the fallopian tubes should always be assessed using a hysterosalpingogram and ultrasound scan. If the state of the fallopian tubes is very poorly, and might affect the implantation of the embryos, the benefit of their removal should be considered. The removal of oneor both fallopian tubes is performed by laparoscopy, where a laparoscope (a fine telescope) is inserted through an umbilical incision."