Post-Pipelle

Ok that was really NOT fun!

I should have taken more note of the secretarys' silence If it was possible to lather ones endometrial lining with Emla, I would have lathered away.

So I got to the Prof-mans' rooms on time, and ofcourse still had to wait, nevermind, this is Israel and the first word any new immigrant learns here is 'Savlanoot' meaning patience. So there I sat all patient and new immigrant-ish, waiting my turn, finally I was called to go through to a room with a stirrup chair (the modern kind, where you just put your feet on a raised platform), I was told to change and wait. As per usual no gown or cover, this, I have come to NEVER expect here, just me clutching my cell phone, knuckles slowly turning white in anticipation. Finally Mr Prof-man comes in, a word on him, he is around fifty or so, and he has the kindest loveliest eyes. The only problem is that he has a terrible, terrible facial twitch. A twitch which makes his whole face 'hiccup' every few seconds, full-on blinking, eyes bulging and then twisting of his mouth area. My last IVF with him I remember being really concerrned about the embryo transfer, which, if done incorrectly, ie placed in the wrong spot, can ruin all the work, trauma, injections, emotions of the 5 weeks or so prior, but I watched him, me legs spread, and he concentrating like hell to put my two little perfect 3-day old embryos in exactly the right spot, and he never twitched once. So, my conclusion, he is twitch-free when it counts, and that is all that matters!

So pleasantries (which is never much with Israelis) done with, we get down to the business of Pipelle-ing me. Step one, insert speculum, really uncomfortable cactus up vagina feeling. Due to my inhumanly low pain threshold I am now still clutching my phone with one hand and clinging to the bed rail with the other, face completely contorted, and using labour breathing techniques. And he hasn't even started with the serious stuff yet! I shame myself at times!

Then it started, I can only describe the sensation as someone sticking a rake up you and raking your insides. You feel it in the back of your throat. Really really horrible, painful period-from-hell feeling. He had to do this three times, with pauses inbetween for me to compose myself. I must have looked really bad because he asked me at different times throughout the procedure if I needed to vomit, or if I was going to faint. The procedure probrably lasted 5 minutes in all, all the time Mr Prof-man telling me to "relax..." Ya right! Sure, relax like I am lying at the pool in a Mauritius hotel, or relax like my insides are being keel-hauled relax? Dentists and Doctors they are all a bit dim at times. So, when it was over, me still trying to pull myself together, we had an almost normal conversation about the pros and cons of my new Nokia N95. He had obviously noticed my white-knuckled grip during the procedure, he managed to pry it out of my hands and say all the right things about my new 'baby'. Then, with the colour slowly returning to my cheeks, I quizzed him about what exactly he had done. Something I hadn't known was that the procedure also sucks out goo from your endometrium as well as scraping it. I felt the need to see my goo, which he indicated as the clump of gunk in the 'hazardous waste material' bin. Great!

I paid and went on my way, glad not be driving myself home. I have wonderful inlaws, mom-in-law was babysitting, and dad-in-law was chauffering me. You may be wondering about the 'husband', he travels a lot, by a lot I mean a lot, he arrived in israel from 10 days in China this past Friday and left for SA on Sunday. He has to plan all his trips away around his 'donation' day, so he should be back within the next two weeks. Exhausting work.

Did I mention I live in a rural area, in Israel they are called Moshavim, they are big farms, but not communal like a kibbuutz. Needless to say I have a mouse-issue. It started a few weeks back, mouse poop in the pantry, mouse poop in the kitchen, and of recent, it has escalated to mouse poop in my childrens rooms and of late in my bed. Wonderful. So initially, me being the universe/animal-loving freak that I am, the plan was to 'flush' them out 'naturally', I went to the hardware store and got these great little plugs which you plug all over your house and they emit some kind of super-sonic-mouse-repellant noise, enabling the mice to just re-locate. This did not happen. The mouse/mice were here to stay. Plan B, I layed traps with cheese all over the house (in conjunction with super-sonic-mouse-repellant-noise-machine thing), the traps are designed to not hurt them ofcourse, I was going to catch them and then have a little ceremony releasing them back into the wild, returning them to nature, undomesticating them! Well it didn't quite go like that, the little hair-balls nibbled on the cheese, laughed in my face, and ran back to their hiding places and the traps never closed. So I have reverted to Operation Kill the Buggers! I really didn't want to do this, but they have left me NO choice, I tried to play Mrs Nice-guy, but it is just not working for me. So this morning I went back to the hardware store, demanded a refund for the stupid non-effective traps, and bought glue traps. They are as awful as they sound. It is a polystyrene plate with some yummy-mouse-attracting smelly glue stuff on the bottom, and apparently this should do the trick. What have I become? A murderer of little cute mice. Yes! I have put one plate in my daughters room and closed the door, and I am waiting for the mouse screams to start. I am not sure how I am going to cope if I actually catch one, maybe I just have to face my fears with this issue as well. Like the injections, I am uber-stronger now.

Speaking of which, my technique is going great, I worked on my stabbing-motion today and got the whole needle in first attempt. You go girl! Before you know it I will be bathing the children, making supper, folding washing, getting rid of glued-up mice and injecting myself ALL at the same time. Brilliant. Also post-Pipelle, there is a bit of browny-redish goo today, apparently it shouldn't last long.

So that is me on my little journey today so far.