Wednesday, November 7

On and on and on....

Decapeptyl injection - Day 18

So no major news flash, I wasn't pregnant. I was so sure I wasn't, but when I went on-line to get my results I still stopped breathing for a split second hoping and praying with everything in me that by some miracle I was. Over the past two-and-a-bit years I have lost count of how many urine dip-stick pregnancy tests/blood tests I have done. I used to buy the dip-stick ones in bulk, testing on the day I should get my period, and around every half hour thereafter, until I actually did eventually start. So, whilst on the topic my innards, the story is as follows. I went for an ultrasound with my Professor Man (just love him) it was a quick in-and-out, literally and figuratively. I have to wait another day or two until I get my period properly, and in the meantime I just have to carry on with my daily injection (the one that is still shutting down the Pituitary Gland) - the day after I start bleeding properly I will start injecting the Gonal-F as well (the one that makes the follicles). Then hopefully it will be full-speed-ahead. This Decapeptyl stage is just dragging on and on and on, I am not sure why I have not reacted to it as well as I did the two times before, I should have already started the Gonal-F last week. I don't like it when things don't go according to how I think they should, it just unsettles me. And I was feeling so confident about this IVF, and now this whole set-back has given me a bit of a wobbly. I guess it is not helping that besides the fact that I haven't actually started my period properly, I still feel very menstrual. Tired, irritated, impatient, not talking, exhausted, in my own world, just want to be left alone - kind of place.

The whole fertility procedure here is very insensitive. In Johannesburg, the fertility doctor that I was seeing would only continue to see a woman, if she fell pregnant, up until 3 months. Here my fertility man sees all and sundry until whenever they want. So I have to be surrounded by these exquisite beautifully ripe pregnant tummies, half the women there last night were about to burst, I didn't know where to look. Just being exposed to everybody elses fertility makes me more aware of my own barrenness. And on top of that, there is a little room with one of those Doppler machines, where a strap is strapped onto a pregnant woman's stomach and the foetuses heartbeat is monitored. The sound is always on full-blast so I have to sit there yesterday with my day 17 raw emotions and listen to somebody elses beautiful babies doof-doof-du-du-doofing of their heart. I have to see 'them' and I have to hear 'them'. Usually, in my every day life I can just remove myself but there is no-where to run in a tiny little Doctors' waiting room.

Before the scan I had to go for this interview for the support group. I met the lady who is going to be running the group. It will be for 10 weeks, once a week. I had my reservations about the whole thing. Main reason, I don't want to go into a group with childless people. I just am not sure whether you can mix-up people like me with people who don't have children at all. I told the interviewer how I felt and she said she really did not think that it mattered, I want something and I cannot get it, the same applies to child-less couples. They have invited only 8 people to be a part of this group, and I am flattered that I was asked, there is apparently one lady other than me who has other children.

Uri has to go again. Back to China. He needs a donation-date, which I can't give him.

I hope I start proper bleeding today so I can start the Gonal-F already!


"Q: In which cases does removal of the fallopian tubes improve the outcome?
A: In recent years, impressive evidence has shown that hydrosalpinx (swollen fallopian tubes, filled with fluid) can reduce chances of implantation. It seems that the reason for this is that the fluid in the fallopian tubes contains inflammatory products that leak into the abdominal cavity and damage the embryo trying to implant itself in the endometrium. In cases of recurrent failure of IVF therapy, the condition of the fallopian tubes should always be assessed using a hysterosalpingogram and ultrasound scan. If the state of the fallopian tubes is very poorly, and might affect the implantation of the embryos, the benefit of their removal should be considered. The removal of oneor both fallopian tubes is performed by laparoscopy, where a laparoscope (a fine telescope) is inserted through an umbilical incision."