Post-Pipelle

Ok that was really NOT fun!

I should have taken more note of the secretarys' silence If it was possible to lather ones endometrial lining with Emla, I would have lathered away.

So I got to the Prof-mans' rooms on time, and ofcourse still had to wait, nevermind, this is Israel and the first word any new immigrant learns here is 'Savlanoot' meaning patience. So there I sat all patient and new immigrant-ish, waiting my turn, finally I was called to go through to a room with a stirrup chair (the modern kind, where you just put your feet on a raised platform), I was told to change and wait. As per usual no gown or cover, this, I have come to NEVER expect here, just me clutching my cell phone, knuckles slowly turning white in anticipation. Finally Mr Prof-man comes in, a word on him, he is around fifty or so, and he has the kindest loveliest eyes. The only problem is that he has a terrible, terrible facial twitch. A twitch which makes his whole face 'hiccup' every few seconds, full-on blinking, eyes bulging and then twisting of his mouth area. My last IVF with him I remember being really concerrned about the embryo transfer, which, if done incorrectly, ie placed in the wrong spot, can ruin all the work, trauma, injections, emotions of the 5 weeks or so prior, but I watched him, me legs spread, and he concentrating like hell to put my two little perfect 3-day old embryos in exactly the right spot, and he never twitched once. So, my conclusion, he is twitch-free when it counts, and that is all that matters!

So pleasantries (which is never much with Israelis) done with, we get down to the business of Pipelle-ing me. Step one, insert speculum, really uncomfortable cactus up vagina feeling. Due to my inhumanly low pain threshold I am now still clutching my phone with one hand and clinging to the bed rail with the other, face completely contorted, and using labour breathing techniques. And he hasn't even started with the serious stuff yet! I shame myself at times!

Then it started, I can only describe the sensation as someone sticking a rake up you and raking your insides. You feel it in the back of your throat. Really really horrible, painful period-from-hell feeling. He had to do this three times, with pauses inbetween for me to compose myself. I must have looked really bad because he asked me at different times throughout the procedure if I needed to vomit, or if I was going to faint. The procedure probrably lasted 5 minutes in all, all the time Mr Prof-man telling me to "relax..." Ya right! Sure, relax like I am lying at the pool in a Mauritius hotel, or relax like my insides are being keel-hauled relax? Dentists and Doctors they are all a bit dim at times. So, when it was over, me still trying to pull myself together, we had an almost normal conversation about the pros and cons of my new Nokia N95. He had obviously noticed my white-knuckled grip during the procedure, he managed to pry it out of my hands and say all the right things about my new 'baby'. Then, with the colour slowly returning to my cheeks, I quizzed him about what exactly he had done. Something I hadn't known was that the procedure also sucks out goo from your endometrium as well as scraping it. I felt the need to see my goo, which he indicated as the clump of gunk in the 'hazardous waste material' bin. Great!

I paid and went on my way, glad not be driving myself home. I have wonderful inlaws, mom-in-law was babysitting, and dad-in-law was chauffering me. You may be wondering about the 'husband', he travels a lot, by a lot I mean a lot, he arrived in israel from 10 days in China this past Friday and left for SA on Sunday. He has to plan all his trips away around his 'donation' day, so he should be back within the next two weeks. Exhausting work.

Did I mention I live in a rural area, in Israel they are called Moshavim, they are big farms, but not communal like a kibbuutz. Needless to say I have a mouse-issue. It started a few weeks back, mouse poop in the pantry, mouse poop in the kitchen, and of recent, it has escalated to mouse poop in my childrens rooms and of late in my bed. Wonderful. So initially, me being the universe/animal-loving freak that I am, the plan was to 'flush' them out 'naturally', I went to the hardware store and got these great little plugs which you plug all over your house and they emit some kind of super-sonic-mouse-repellant noise, enabling the mice to just re-locate. This did not happen. The mouse/mice were here to stay. Plan B, I layed traps with cheese all over the house (in conjunction with super-sonic-mouse-repellant-noise-machine thing), the traps are designed to not hurt them ofcourse, I was going to catch them and then have a little ceremony releasing them back into the wild, returning them to nature, undomesticating them! Well it didn't quite go like that, the little hair-balls nibbled on the cheese, laughed in my face, and ran back to their hiding places and the traps never closed. So I have reverted to Operation Kill the Buggers! I really didn't want to do this, but they have left me NO choice, I tried to play Mrs Nice-guy, but it is just not working for me. So this morning I went back to the hardware store, demanded a refund for the stupid non-effective traps, and bought glue traps. They are as awful as they sound. It is a polystyrene plate with some yummy-mouse-attracting smelly glue stuff on the bottom, and apparently this should do the trick. What have I become? A murderer of little cute mice. Yes! I have put one plate in my daughters room and closed the door, and I am waiting for the mouse screams to start. I am not sure how I am going to cope if I actually catch one, maybe I just have to face my fears with this issue as well. Like the injections, I am uber-stronger now.

Speaking of which, my technique is going great, I worked on my stabbing-motion today and got the whole needle in first attempt. You go girl! Before you know it I will be bathing the children, making supper, folding washing, getting rid of glued-up mice and injecting myself ALL at the same time. Brilliant. Also post-Pipelle, there is a bit of browny-redish goo today, apparently it shouldn't last long.

So that is me on my little journey today so far.

Happy first Blog-day!

Happy first Blog-day!

Where to begin?

So today in the life of me is 23 October 2007. A very special friend told me the other day that 'the right soul is looking for you', what a way to put it! And ofcourse I am doing everything within my power to help that/those specific souls find ME.

I, thankfully, already have two souls. I have two beautiful children, Adam and Noam, both conceived naturally a year and a half apart. Due to numerous problems which have arisen since the birth of my second child I cannot have more children, naturally at least. Following several operations, procedures, medications, different diagnoses I am now, today, on day 3 of my third IVF. The first IVF was done in Johannesburg, South Africa, it was successful but resulted in an early miscarriage in April this year. The second IVF was done in Israel in September 2007 and was unsuccessful. So now, full-speed ahead for number 3.

I feel quite empowered this time, reason being I am injecting MYSELF. Quick history, I am neurotic as hell, I lather my body with EMLA (anaethetising cream) for an hour before any hint of any injection. I am just not good with pain, never have been. Pregnant with my first child, I had this really romantic illusion that I was going to give birth totally naturally in a birthing pool. That's right, birthing pool. I had the whole little vision of candles, incense, soothing music, oh! and Doula on the sidelines whispering calming thoughts and me breathing deeply and being totally in control of the situation. Well nothing went according to plan and I had to be induced. The thought now is just so ludicrous, when I look back, I couldn't even cope with the pessary to induce labour, I was practicing my breathing meant for labour. What a joke! So back to the injections, it is just so time-consuming getting someone else to do it. Either you have to ellicit the help of a usually unwilling friend or relative, or you have to stand in queues at the local National Health Office, and here in Israel, that involves fighting your way into the nurses office. So I decided to take the bull by the horns, and grow up. I have been fantasizing for the last month about exactly HOW I am going to do this. A subcutaneous injection (or ANY injection for that matter) may seem like a walk in the park for some, but for people like me it involves more serious heavy breathing, psyching ones-self up, tubes and tubes of Emla, and all for one split second of the nothing, thanks to the Emla. My psychotic fear of injections stems from experiences with self-designated Super-Injectornators trying to "find a vein". Always a losing battle with me, the problem, bad veins, I am sure inherited from my mother. So hence my absolute fear of injections, and pain for that matter. Which makes my absolutely amazing abillity to inject myself yesterday and today really unbeleivable. My first day of this IVF cycle was on Sunday, I prepped myself, as usual, I sat for about an hour trying different positions, standing, sitting, changing rooms, all to no avail, it was just not happening. I could NOT do it. This specific injection has to be done in your stomach (fatty part on either side of your belly button) or in your leg. So if you do it in your stomach, you can pinch a fat roll (very attractive), my new technique, that of yesterday and today, is to squeeze that fat roll so hard that I wont be thinking of the 1 cm needle going into me. And hey it worked, sort of. You have to take the injection, and as if you were holding a pen/pencil, stab, literally stab, it into the area, then holding the tip with one hand, the other hand injects the fluid, which for me now is Decapeptyl. Ok so back to that 'stabbing motion', I think I have change my current technique and go full-throttle at the 'stabbing motion' moment. Today whilst looking away, face all scringed-up, fat roll being pinched so hard the blood was being cut off, I did my 'stabbing motion', then looking down at the injection site, only to find that about a third of the needle was actually in, so I had to still push the rest in, I think I have good old resilliant fat, because once the needle was nearly fully inserted it made like a popping sensation. Pop! Through the fat wall, that is subcutaneous, under the fat. Brilliant. So, to explain the feeling of accomplishment after having done this to myself yesterday, it was just the best, I did it! Me! Nothing compares to facing and conquering your fears, nothing. I feel like I could do absolutely anything now. I actually injected myself!

So I have to master this whole injection scenario, because for now it is only one per day but through the course of the approximately 6 week IVF programme there are stages where you are taking up to 3 or more injections per day. Not a fun thought, but hey, by then I am going to be such a pro! This morning I answered the phone mid-injection, really. I am either a 'black' or 'white' person, there is no 'grey' area with me, all or nothing, smoker or non-smoker!

So back to more serious issues, I am off this evening for a procedure called "PIPELLE". Rewind to my pain issues, the secretary called last night to confirm the appointment for today and I asked her if it would be painful, her silence said it all, so I am going fully loaded / drugged-up, whichever you prefer. So this procedure basically involves stimulating the endometrial lining, it is not understood why, but a study here in Israel revealed that it could improve your chances for implantation. This study stems from research done on women that were incredibly fertile post D & C procedures. Me, being the Google Goddess, found out about this and suggested it to my Doctor, who is actually a Professor, anyway he said that it is usually only done on patients after 4 failed IVF's, but I guess he could see my A-type personality sneaking through and he agreed to do it.

So today is day 23 of my cycle, and day 3 of Decapeptyl, big word, and it does such an amazing thing, it surpresses your Pituritary Gland, that is the gland that makes all your hormones do their thing at different times during your monthly cyle. So this drug totally surpresses this gland to enable the Fertility Doctors to be totally in control of your hormones, surges, dips and all. Then throughout the whole IVF programme, based on blood test and ultrasound results, the doctors guage when and what to do, ie when and what to inject/insert/swallow.

So forward I march, here I come Mr Professor.