Another week gone.
Death has an awful way of making you wake up a bit, and realising what you have. Being grateful and appreciative. Not 'sweating the small stuff'.
After much internal debate I have decided to postpone my operation and to go with The Donor to China. It is a work-related trip for around 7 days and the children will stay with my in-laws - they are happy as that means unlimited television.This was a gut-wrenching debate, I did NOT want to postpone this operation, I wanted to move on as quickly as possible, to remove/fix whatever is wrong with me and be moving on to my next IVF. There is this drive, almost an addictive need to start the 'next' IVF as soon as possible, clinging on to that Hope. I said a thoughtless thing the other day to my mother-in-law, I thought it over and realised that I had totally "missed the plot". I said that there was NO way I would be postponing, not by a week, not by a day, as this operation is the most important thing in my life right now. Thats' not true though. What I do NOT have is NOT the most important thing in my life, what I HAVE is the most important thing in my life. I have been truly blessed by having two healthy and amazing children, and I have a husband who loves me, and who at the moment would like nothing more than for his wife to come with him on this China trip. I have to re-focus, I want and need some time just with him. And I need to give my (lack of) fertility OBSESSION a break, even if it is just for 10 days. So, decided, done, we will fly around the 18th, be back in Israel around the 29/30th, and I will schedule the operation for the 31st.
My Profman is not actually going to do the operation, another doctor is. His expertise is Laparoscopic surgery, I met him last night. He wanted to meet me and get a case history from me and also do an Ultrasound for himself. My history is long and involved, I was scheduled for a quick "10 minute check", I don't think he was expecting what he actually got. The internal examination was the worst I have ever had, usually I can try and find things to laugh about in yukky/awkward situations, but there was nothing. It was just plain horrific. I kind-of went 'on him', then 'off him', then back 'on him' throughout the hour that I was with him. Two major 'on him' factors: 1. He promised me that under NO circumstances whatsoever would he perform a Laparotomy, it would ONLY be a Laparoscopy. And, 2. I asked him how my chances for falling pregnant would increase after the Laparoscopy, he answered that if he came to me after the operation and said that he was 'happy' with the outcome (meaning that he had been able to remove all the adhesions and Endometriosis, and fix/remove my Fallopian Tube) then he looked at my and said "You will be pregnant again!". Cool!!!
"Q: In which cases does removal of the fallopian tubes improve the outcome?
A: In recent years, impressive evidence has shown that hydrosalpinx (swollen fallopian tubes, filled with fluid) can reduce chances of implantation. It seems that the reason for this is that the fluid in the fallopian tubes contains inflammatory products that leak into the abdominal cavity and damage the embryo trying to implant itself in the endometrium. In cases of recurrent failure of IVF therapy, the condition of the fallopian tubes should always be assessed using a hysterosalpingogram and ultrasound scan. If the state of the fallopian tubes is very poorly, and might affect the implantation of the embryos, the benefit of their removal should be considered. The removal of oneor both fallopian tubes is performed by laparoscopy, where a laparoscope (a fine telescope) is inserted through an umbilical incision."